The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Laney Marti Olsen

Author:Laney, Marti Olsen [Laney, Marti Olsen]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company
Published: 2002-01-31T23:00:00+00:00

Tactful Turndowns

The point of tact is not sharp.

-COLLEEN CARNEY

Introverts often feel guilty or embarrassed because they don’t want to attend a social occasion. As a result, they may come across as curt or uncaring when they turn down the invitation, even though they care very much. Sometimes, they try to avoid saying no by neglecting to R.S.V.P. This makes matters worse.

It’s helpful to learn ways of saying no tactfully, so the host or hostess doesn’t feel rebuffed. The goal is to acknowledge the invitation, say whether you can attend, and make it easy for the person to invite you again next time, if that’s what you’d like.

Slipping Yourself Permission

Many introverts develop social rules for themselves based on extroverted standards. Some I have heard over the years are: I must go to everything I am invited to. I must stay the entire time. I must talk to lots of people. I must look as if I am having fun. I must fit in. I must not be nervous.

It is helpful to let go of those rigid expectations and try to develop guidelines that are playful and flexible. For example, on colored index cards, write some “permission slips” that you can draw on in the upcoming months. Put them in a little box so you can use them again and again. Here are some possibilities.

I give myself:

• permission to drive by the party and check it out without going in

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